I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
