Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize