Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
