I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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