I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
