i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
