he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
