I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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