Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
