i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
