There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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