I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
