Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
