like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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