Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
