The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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