he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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