you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
