I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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