haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
