Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
