My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
