i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want to make out with him forever
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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