Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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