I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
