We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
