My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
