it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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