marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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