she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
