I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
