i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there is glitter all over my balls
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