Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
