What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
