Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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