she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
