Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
