i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
