so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
