i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
