the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
