there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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