I hate all girls vehemently.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
