He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
