This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
