Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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