Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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