I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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