you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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