Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize