Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
