I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
