Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
