you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
