we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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