I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
