hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
