Soap is not a condiment
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm getting married
To pizza
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
