I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
