I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
