i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
