My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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