I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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