you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
