Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
