My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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