Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
