butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
