She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
