becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
