So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
