Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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